Changes A-Plenty!

I realized that two weeks ago when I promised a nice lengthy blog to let my readers know what I've been up to, that I never actually got around to posting anything. I've been keeping myself busy with so many things recently that blogging has been on a back burner for quite some time now. Many things have changed in my life and I've taken a very proactive approach to my weight loss and health. Let me indulge you in what has taken shape over the course of the past couple of months.

In April I met a wonderful woman who was in a really crummy living situation and was needing some assistance. I talked it over with my family and since we had three rooms of our home that we weren't using, I decided to offer for her to stay with us. She moved in with us in April and it was a chaotic time of moving her stuff in and getting used to having a roommate and trying to get onto a schedule where everyone was comfortable. It all fell into place rather easily and order was established. Our new roommate is a vegetarian, so upon her moving in our family decided to also go vegetarian to make grocery shopping and cooking family meals easier on everyone. There have been a couple of times that I have eaten meat since then and it has made me feel absolutely awful. My body is just not accepting of complex proteins like that anymore. So on top of my necessary gluten free diet, I now have adopted a vegetarian diet as well. How am I handling that? Pretty well I think. I don't crave meat or miss it at all. I have discovered new recipes and vegetables that I never even knew existed. We eat at home almost all the time so having this new diet is saving us money on eating out at restaurants. There are also some pretty awesome benefits to eating "clean" and strictly limiting my processed food intake: my skin is clearer and I rarely break out anymore. My nails are growing nicely and I am able to give myself pretty manicures without having to spend money at a salon for fake nails, my hair is healthy and is falling out less (when I'd wash my hair I'd usually pull out 2-3 handfuls of hair per washing, now it's just a few stray hairs that I pull out when I condition), I'm losing inches off my body and I've lost about 7 pounds and I'm sleeping better at night. At first I was apprehensive about the diet change but now that it's been well over a month I am feeling better than ever and I don't regret making that choice at all.

On top of all the diet changes I started walking daily at the park by our house. I don't make excuses and I get out there and do it. I started with about 2 to 2 1/2 miles per session about 3-4 days a week. I'm up to 5 miles per session 5 days a week and I've added in jogging to that as well. I can jog for up to a mile now without having to stop. I'm slowly working my way up the fitness ladder because I want to drop weight and lose those stubborn inches that have unnecessarily been clinging to me for years. I want to demonstrate a healthy lifestyle for my son and give him a person to look up to and want to be like. I can't very well tell him he needs to be more active if all I do is sit around on my butt and stuff my face now can I? I've tried various times of day for my exercise and I usually go out around 7am. The humidity and heat index are very low at this time of the morning and usually the sun hasn't completely risen yet, so I can get more accomplished in a very comfortable environment. I have tried exercising on an empty stomach or after I've eaten a meal and I do much better if I drink a cup of my coffee (international house brand froo froo coffee because "real" coffee kills my stomach now due to the gluten sensitivity) then head out for my workout. I get up at 6am, play around on my computer while I drink my tasty beverage and then I'm off for some workout magic. Some days our roommate goes with me which is nice to be able to have conversation during my workout. I do tend to be more focused and determined when I'm by myself and pushing to reach those goals that I know I can get to with just a little more effort on my part.

The corridor of trees in the park I work out at

With all these new and fabulous changes I recently decided that it was time to change my appearance too. My hair was incredibly long because I'd been growing it out and I had gotten to the point where I could no longer manage the thick mane that it had become. Pony tails cause migraines, braids were difficult to accomplish and wearing it down was just too hot and sticky because of how dense and thick my hair is. So it got cut. Not just a little either, a lot. 11 inches to be exact. I feel so much better with shorter hair now and it's so very easy to care for and maintain. I have gotten several compliments on it when I have it styled and fixed neatly. When I work out I wear ball caps so my hair can't be seen, it keeps it out of my face and protects my head from any sunlight that may penetrate through the tree canopy, I don't want a sunburned head.

 Before the cut it was almost to the middle of my back

After the cut it's chin length

I wear hats when I work out to keep it out of my face

Also recently we had my son's 5th grade graduation celebration. We were so proud and excited for him because the past 6 years (counting kindergarten) have been rough. Trying to figure out what medication he needed to be on, finding teachers that were willing to listen and work with him instead of just getting angry because of his hyperactivity, finding a doctor that would listen and not just write and prescription to make a paycheck, it has all been very trying but we made it! When we moved I made sure that his medication was changed and that has made such a remarkable difference. I am looking forward to him going into middle school and opportunities opening up for him so he stays challenged scholastically and physically with some extra curricular activities of his choosing. It's a big step and I'm ready for it!

So changed my diet, my exercise regiment, my appearance and my overall attitude about life. I don't spend hours mindlessly playing computer games anymore either. I have started reading and I use the goodreads app on my phone to keep track of what I'm currently reading, I still have to go through and add all the books I've read to it but I just haven't gotten around to that task yet. Don't get me wrong I still geek out sometimes and spend a little time on the computer, but it's not every day anymore. I am finding other ways to entertain myself and keep busy. My next big adventure will be buying new shoes. The Nike's I bought last year are dying slowly and I need to replace them. They have served as my only pair of shoes since I got my orthotics and I purged my closet when we moved and got rid of all my other shoes. Now it's time to replace them and get a new pair of running shoes. I would also like to get a nice pair of summer shoes that aren't athletic in nature and can be worn with my everyday clothing when I go out. I'd like to wear some of my summer skirts but it looks very ridiculous with black and hot pink athletic shoes on. There are many clothing pieces I'd like to pick up, like actually workout clothing. It's getting a little to warm for t-shirts and long pants here in the South and I'd like to be a little more comfortable when I work out so I'm not so tempted to quit when the going gets hot. Plus having clothing that actually fits me and isn't 1-2 sizes too big would be nice as well. I love the fact that I'm getting smaller but my wardrobe is starting to look a bit frumpy on me now. I can make do for awhile longer but eventually it will be time for another round of donations and time to replenish my closet with new more updated and fitted options. Yay for getting smaller by the day!

That's what I've been up to lately. Keeping busy, learning a new way of cooking and eating and shopping. Trying to find hobbies that I can share with my friends and be proud of and gain knowledge and entertainment from as well. Having a more positive attitude and not even thinking about being depressed (what's that I haven't felt that in months...) or sad because I am unhappy with my life. When you realize that the only person in this world who can make your life better for you is you, it tends to light a little fire of motivation under you because you don't want to let yourself down. I have complained for years about wanting things to be different for me, well I'm making it happen bit by bit and that's the way it needs to be. I am accomplishing these goals with support and love from those around me but ultimately they are my choices that are bringing forth the changes I have wanted for years. I have goals, I have desires and I am going to get to where I want to be and nobody or nothing is going to stand in my way anymore. So I drink my coffee and I get it done daily for nobody else but ME! What have you done lately?

....(Insert the Sound of Crickets)

I promise I have not fallen off the face of the Earth and died. Things here have been busy and at times chaotic. I have been struggling with myself over whether I should blog or not because I just don't feel that I have anything spectacular to tell my readers. To me my life is pretty mundane and simple. I read a few blogs that are so inspirational and the bloggers do such awesome things or travel to amazing places. Well I may not be a seasoned blogger with a plethora of stories to tell but there have been some major changes in my wee little life and I'm sure you would love to hear all about them, right?

I will give a very lengthy blog post after my morning workout today about what has been going on and talk about how these changes make me feel and where I'm at in life right now. So stay tuned for my huge, long over due, awesome blog post!

If anyone complains about the blog post length, I have no sympathy because this post is a warning. When you go months without posting....need I say more?

Where Did All These Emotions Come From?

Today I have been on what seems like a never ending roller coaster of emotions. I woke up and was tired and crabby. Went to the DMV to transfer my TN license to GA and that was an epic fail because I did not have a copy of my marriage license with me. I went home and found the marriage license and went back only to be told that I would also need the divorce decree from my first marriage in order to prove that my name changes were legitimate. Georgia requires the full "paper trail" for every name change in order to be licensed in the state. Seriously my first marriage was almost 20 years ago! I now have to contact the supreme court of the county the decree was issued in and hope that they can send me a copy. Oh my lord! I left the DMV the second time in tears and was so frustrated when I got home that I laid down on the couch and fell asleep until time to leave for my doctor appointment this afternoon. It was a routine gyno visit so I didn't figure it would be a big deal. Found out I have a stupid bacterial infection and now I have to take an antibiotic for the next 10 days. Could my day get any better?

After spending 45 minutes at CVS getting my prescription and some much needed chocolate bars I headed home and felt so disappointed. I think I have identified why I felt so low. The last time I was at the gyno in Dec of 2011 it was when I was losing my baby. I was terrified and in agony and told that the baby that I had been told about only 2 weeks prior was no longer "in there". The ultrasound proved the miscarriage and I left the doctor's office that day feeling an emptiness that I had never quite experienced before. I felt like I had failed and that I had done something wrong. Maybe it was my weight, maybe it was stress, maybe it was because I wouldn't be a good mom. Honestly the reason the pregnancy wasn't viable will never be known to me and it's one of the horrible mysteries that plague women over the age of 33 who try to conceive.

Today as I waited in the office I was reminded of that time as I prayed that the ultrasound would show even a shimmer of hope that the baby was ok. As the exam today began I was so very uncomfortable and unhappy. It had nothing to do with the doctor (who was wonderful and very welcoming to me), it had everything to do with my own messed up head and hanging onto times in my life that are dark.

I made dinner tonight and felt numb. I washed the dishes and didn't get my usual happy feeling from having a nice clean kitchen. We are watching a show about couponing and I started crying and apologizing to my husband for being a horrible wife and spending all the money that I do at the store (and I don't spend that much). I just feel so down and out that no amount of chocolate in the world would make it better. I used my discipline and only ate a few squares of the chocolate bar I bought because I've lost a couple of pounds since we moved and I don't want to start tacking the weight back on by drowning myself in sugar that I don't need late at night. I haven't been out this week to exercise because the weather has been cooler than usual and overcast or raining. I know there are things I could do to torch some calories here at home but my motivation has been pretty low this week. It's about a week prior to my monthly cycle, so it's no wonder I'm moody and feeling blah, even though I am not going to blame all of my problems on PMS because that would be wrong.

I am going to finish my tea and maybe even have another cup to relax me some more. I need to just breathe and let the negativity of today go so I can get some good sleep tonight and start a new day tomorrow. I just hate feeling down like this because I can't really explain why or find all the answers as to what triggers my mood swings. However I think crying over a TV show about couponing is a bit ridiculous so that I will blame on PMS, lol! I'm hoping to have better days the rest of this week, keep your fingers crossed for me!

The Day of Fail

Everyone has bad days and yesterday was mine. It seemed like everything I did failed and I spent most of the day in a depressed Eeyore like mood. It started when I woke up and decided to make some fresh orange juice in my awesome Breville Juicer. I pulled out my oranges and my pitcher for the juice and I started popping those oranges in the juicer and having a good ol' time. I put the pitcher in the fridge to cool because who likes warm oj right? Then I poured a glass for my son and my husband. This was the most bitter awful orange juice ever! Neither of them could drink it. I tried adding some Splenda to my son's glass and that didn't help. I added some juiced apples to the mix hoping it would curb the bitterness, nope. I was mortified. The reason it was so bitter was because I didn't peel the oranges before juicing them and the zest got into the juice. Well I have a whole pitcher of juice now that no one will drink and I don't want to waste, so I'm going to drink it myself. Lesson learned, peel oranges before juicing them even if the juicer will handle the oranges whole.

As I was taking an inventory of our food supplies I realized that the $160 or so dollars we spent on groceries last week was gone. I did not shop smart and I bought a whole lot less than I thought I did. We are out of meat, we are out of lunch options for my son and my husband and we are out of quick breakfasts for my son, including juice (since my oj experiment failed). What was I thinking when I went shopping, was I thinking at all? I was so pissed yesterday when I discovered that we were needing to go grocery shopping again. What the heck? My new plan of action is to buy meats at the local grocery store and to buy fresh fruits and vegetables at the farmer's market. So I'll be shopping at two places, no big deal. I can still buy clean, healthy foods for my family I just have to plan my shopping trips better and know ahead of time what items I'm buying where.

My husband didn't heed my advice when we went to the park on Saturday and he didn't put on sunscreen. My son and I did because I know how badly we burn even when it's not super warm outside. Well my hubby was sick most of yesterday with dehydration and a headache so he wasn't feeling up to par at all. I pressured him into trying to help me put together my son's bed frame so we could get his bed up and ready for him finally. We got about a quarter of the way through it and one of the pieces completely broke. The wood splintered and there is no way we can continue without that piece. I almost bawled because we broke my son's new bed trying to put it together and I ripped open the box it came in so it wasn't like I can just package it up and send it back to Ikea. I get to call customer service today to figure out if they will refund us for the bed or if they will send us a new piece to replace the one that splintered. I'd rather have the refund but since there is no way to repackage the bed for return I'm not sure how I would do that. Epic fail yet again.

I had been doing laundry all day since our pile had started to get scary. The laundry room is right outside our bedroom door so it tends to make our room a little warm. After the bed incident my husband goes into our room and lets me know that it's sweltering in there. That ended my laundry chores for the day because he was watching TV in the bedroom yesterday and having it too warm in there with him already dehydrated and feeling like crap was not an option. I just couldn't do anything right.

I made dinner later than usual which got complaints from my son who was "starving". I made BBQ pork ribs, macaroni and cheese and cucumber slices. Well my husband hates ribs, so he wasn't happy. The macaroni and cheese didn't have enough cheese on it, so my son wasn't happy. I gave up. I was so upset and angry by the time dinner was over that I didn't even do the dishes, I just put the food away and left the kitchen.

I was up until well past my bedtime because I was so stressed and sad. It just seemed like everything I did was wrong, or stupid or failed. Why the heck even bother right? I know everyone has bad days so I guess that yesterday was my turn for my day of awful feelings and self loathing. It has carried over into today a bit as I feel pretty numb this morning and emotionally drained. I have so much to do today and all I want to do is go back to bed. I can't let it get me down, I have to "pick myself back up" and start a new day. Sometimes I just get tired of "picking myself back up", you know what I mean?

Walking For My Health

The past couple of days have been filled with a ton of walking. I have decided that I'm tired of sitting around wishing to lose weight and not doing anything about it. The weather has been gorgeous and I have taken advantage of it to the fullest. I plan to continue this workout trend as long as the weather permits (and maybe even when it doesn't).

Yesterday I kept my workout local. I decided to see what parks were in our area that I could take my son to since there was no school. I found one that was less than 3 miles away. We got up and got ready and headed out to see what this park had to offer. Wade-Walker park is next to the local YMCA and is absolutely huge. There are two playground areas (one is small and the other is much larger), there are walking trails and even a lake with a gazebo. While he played on the playground equipment I got in over 5 miles of walking around the trails that are within sight of the play area. We were there for a couple of hours before we took a short break for lunch. We ran to McDonalds where I picked up food for my son and husband and picked up a Southwest grilled chicken salad for myself. I have to say that salad was tasty and that dressing was spicy but so delicious. I enjoyed my salad then we headed back to the park for more outdoor activity. We stayed there until about 4pm (we arrived shortly after 10am) then we headed home so I could make dinner and relax after the 5 mile workout. I felt awesome afterwards and made sure to stretch out good so I didn't get sore later on. After dinner I had a mini spa night and took a hot shower and exfoliated with my almond body scrub. Our shower has two small seat areas in it which I took full advantage of while exfoliating my feet and giving myself a mini foot massage. It was heaven. Rehydrating my skin after my shower with a yummy smelling lotion (sugared vanilla) and putting on my plum and peppermint foot balm with some extra soft socks. I grabbed a cup of my bedtime caramel tea and laid in bed reading some magazines on the iPad. I was relaxed and fell asleep with a smile on my face because I got in exercise and it felt wonderful!

Today all three of us adventured to Piedmont Park in downtown Atlanta. Piedmont is the largest park in this area. It's 53 acres of awesome is what it is. We parked at the MARTA station and rode the train to the park so we wouldn't have to worry about finding parking downtown. My son loves riding public transit and it gets us where we have to go without worrying about gas and parking, so double win there. There was a farmer's market set up at the park today. Just a few booths selling things homemade things. Jams, honey, tea, breads, vegetables etc etc. It was fun to look even if we didn't buy anything (since we were going to be at the park for a few hours I didn't want to carry around our purchases). We walked all around the park and found two playgrounds that my son got to enjoy for a bit. I logged over 4 miles of walking today. We had lunch at an awesome Asian buffet and I got my sushi fix. I am so addicted to sushi, I absolutely love it. I like trying colorful and new rolls and as long as they are not spicy I'm all good. We came home and I read some more on the iPad while drinking some chamomile tea. I have a small blister on the bottom of one of my toes on my left foot, probably from where my sock curled up and wrinkled inside my shoe. Other than that, today was a win with a new place explored and more exercise logged.

Tomorrow I think is going to be house chores (mostly laundry) and putting together my son's bed since we finally got his mattress. I plan to keep it low key and maybe go out for a little exercise in the afternoon depending on how I feel. I don't want to overdo the exercise but it feels so good to be outside and getting sun. I am finding plenty of products recently that I love as well. Things that stimulate my senses and make me smile. I'm finding that sometimes it's the simple things in life that can make all the difference. Life doesn't have to be complicated or full of stress, a person can keep it simple and allow enjoyment to come in all shapes sizes and ways.

My new favorite teas

Makes my kitchen and dishes smell amazing

Laundry is so much happier now

Finding Routine

I still don't feel like I've quite settled into my routine yet. I'm still super busy throughout the day and ready for bed by like 8pm every night, even though I stay up much later than that. We have been in our house for just over a week now and things are coming together. A ton of unpacking has been done and things are being put away in an organized manner. The maintenance man who does our repairs complimented me and said he loves the way I set up my kitchen and master bedroom. That made me happy because an outsider can see the time and effort I'm taking to make this home look neat and inviting for people. Yay for taking interior decorating courses all those years ago, I still got it!

Even though I have all these wonderful things to be happy about and I get to experience my new home and new town I have been feeling a little blue lately. The past couple of days I've woken up with a little bit of depression lingering around my mind for some reason. Maybe it's the severely cold weather, maybe it's something else, I don't know. I'm wondering if it's because I'm doing too much too fast and things aren't getting done in the time frame I would have liked to have had them done in. I mean it took me a month to pack it all up, how could I possibly think I could get it all unpacked and put away in a week? I've always been hard on myself but now I think that my demands on myself might be making me sick (and tired).

So the roofers come today to put a new roof on the house. Above our storage room off of the den there is a weak spot in the roof that leaks really bad. There is black mold in that room too, so the landlady has to have the roof redone and the black mold cleaned up out of the room. Hopefully the weather cooperates with the roofers and they can get this done in a timely manner, I'd hate for it to start raining when they are trying to get it done. We shall see.

My son didn't have any complaints about school when he got home yesterday. He didn't have homework since it was his first day there but I'm sure he will have some tonight. He didn't argue when I woke him up this morning either, just got up and went straight to the shower. I'm beginning to think that this new medication (Intuniv) is doing well for him. He has been eating me out of house and home lately and drinking plenty of fluids. He has said "Mom I'm hungry" more times in the past 5 days than he has in the past 5 years. That just goes to prove that having him on a harsh stimulant was doing him no favors. Sure he was compliant for school (mostly) but he wasn't able to listen to his body and know when he needed to eat or drink because his body wasn't "talking" to him. It's nice to have my boy back to a place where he eats and gets full and he's eating a whole plate of food. I still have to learn proper portion size for him, I tend to always put too much on his plate especially at dinner time. He makes a heroic attempt to eat it all at least and that's what counts. This is day 5 on this medication and so far I have no complaints and I haven't noticed any side effects of body twitching like he had on stimulants. So far so good!

I'm thinking I might make this one of my lounge days. I'm super tired and just don't feel like pushing myself to get it all done today. I have my son's room almost done, we still need to assemble his bed once the mattress we ordered him gets here, hopefully soon. I have the guest room done except for taking the totes stored in there and putting them in the closet. I have the kitchen, dining room and laundry room done. Our master bedroom is a work in progress because I am still hanging up and putting away clothes and I have to put away bathroom stuff in our cabinet. The second guest bedroom has nothing in it just yet but it will one day. The front room (which is going to be a reading lounge) isn't anywhere near done because we don't have the furniture for that room yet. Once we get the furnishings I will be able to put all that stuff away and it will look awesome I think. However for today, I want to relax and take time to recoop from 8 days of busy work, cleaning and putting together furniture. Hot tea and television entertainment sounds good to me!

Re-Learning how to shop

Today was grocery shopping day. Normally I make my list and head to WalMart and buy the same things every week. I shop on auto pilot and most of the food items are frozen boxes of stuff. Now that we have moved and I have a farmers market (the largest in the Atlanta area) not too far from my house, I decided to do my grocery shopping there. The idea of getting fresh foods and healthy items appealed to me. Then I walked into the store and almost had an anxiety filled breakdown.

I had my list on my awesome new Nexus 4 phone and I was ready to shop. However I went in with the mindset of grab n go. This is not the case when shopping at the farmers market. Nothing is prepackaged and everything including meat, is fresh. Sure there is packaged pastas and rice and spices things that would normally come packaged. I realized quickly as I walked up to the counter and tried to buy chicken breasts for dinner that I had no idea how much to buy. I mean in WalMart I grab the bag of frozen breasts and head off to another aisle. I had no clue how much that frozen bag of chicken (which would last us two meals) weighed. People were behind me looking impatient and also wanting there chicken. I decided to get a pound. That was two chicken breasts (they were huge). I had him add two more large breast pieces to that and it was almost 4 pounds of chicken and came to over $18. I almost died. He couldn't take the chicken out of the bag and put it back, so I put it in my cart and moved on. I suddenly felt ignorant and overwhelmed and decided I couldn't do the meat section at that point so I moved onto the dairy section. I navigated through most of the rest of my shopping fairly well with only a few stops of confusion. Locating where needed items were in aisles that are barely large enough for a cart is difficult in a store where hundreds of people are trying to shop too. I think I did pretty well. I realized quickly that I have to learn how to shop again. Not purchase pre-packaged or frozen meals. I purchased a ton of fruits and vegetables that I knew we would eat. There are plenty of exotic produce choices there I want to try but for today I wanted to get what we needed and be done. I waited until my husband joined us to purchase the meat I needed for dinners. We got out of the market and we spent our normal amount for a week and a half's worth of groceries. I was pleased with my choices and my fridge is full of healthy stuff. I think things will go smoother once I learn to navigate the market and learn where frequently purchased items I need are located.

I have slowly been working on getting things put away. I finished up the kitchen (with the exception of my cookbooks which don't have a home yet). I got a few of our jackets hung up in the coat closet in the front room and I got the garbage taken out. I have been doing laundry as needed the past couple of days and I got the dishes all done this morning. Having to do the dishes by hand because our dishwasher is broken sucks. I hate washing dishes by hand but it's what needs to be done for now. I'm trying not only to stay on top of daily chores but to get things organized and put away so we can start a normal routine.

I will get my son registered for school tomorrow and he should be able to start on Tuesday. I have to go tomorrow and pick up his school uniforms and his school supplies that he will need for class. For someone who doesn't like to shop, I've been doing a ton of it lately! It's going to be a busy Monday.

I'm starting to feel a little more normal now that we've been here a few days and things are starting to settle down. I am sleeping well at night. My feet and back have been sore recently due to all the unpacking and walking and putting together of furniture. I've been really physically active lately, so I expected to have soreness. I stretch a few times a day and that seems to help. Nothing that I can't handle. When I'm tired it's because I've been busy and active and I'm actually tired from physical exertion not just tired from being bored. I've definitely been getting my strength and cardio workouts in lately! There is still a bit to do but nothing that I can't handle!

Moving is hard

This past week has been a blur of so many things I'm not even sure which end is up anymore. Moving is hard, you would think after all the times that I've moved that it would be simple and easy for me to do. That is so not the case. This time I packed, purged, shredded, cleaned and labeled my way into our new home.

We officially moved in on Tuesday of this past week. We were smart and hired a moving crew to actually load and unload our items. With my arthritis in my back there is no way I would have been able to help my husband move furniture. Wednesday we spent back at the old house cleaning it and getting the carpets professionally cleaned. I hate to admit it but that place was filthy with a capital F. I was so disgusted by the time we left there that I just wanted to cry. 3 years of living in a place and not once did I ever do a "deep" Spring cleaning and it showed. Yuck!

Thursday was spent unpacking and getting information from my son's new school so I could get him registered. They needed a vision, hearing and dental screening and his immunizations on a Georgia form before they would even register him. Grr. I spent most of the day Friday getting these screenings accomplished. I got him set up with his new pediatrician too, which took a ton of stress off of my mind because the doctor listened and made suggestions that would best benefit my son and our lives.

My first concern was that I wanted to get Dakota off of the stimulants. I know that stimulants work well for some kids with ADHD but I hate the awful side effects that my son has been dealing with for 5 years now. He's tried most of the medications on the market that are safe for a child his age and weight. I was not happy with any of them honestly. The only reason he was medicated at all was because the TN school system told me to either medicate him or home school him because his behavior was too erratic for a teach to be able to control. The new pediatrician listened to my almost tearful account of the last 5 years of dealing with horrible doctors and stupid offices that wouldn't listen to me at all. He decided that taking my son off of Adderall was a good idea. He recommended Intuniv. It's a non stimulant that will allow him to focus without the narcotic effect of a stimulant. The first week it's a 1mg pill once daily. After 7 days, if he needs a little more help with his focus then the dosage is upped to a 2mg pill once daily. After day 14 if he needs a stronger dosage, I call the doctor's office and the doc will decide at that time if he wants to try the 3mg pill. There is also a 4mg pill. The doctor stated that with my son's weight being so low (due to the Adderall being an appetite suppressant) he shouldn't need more that 2mg honestly. I started the Intuniv pills today and my son has been fine. He's playing well and using his manners and he actually has eaten and drank plenty of fluids all day today. That alone makes me happy. I hated forcing him to eat and drink because the pills were not allowing his body to relay that he felt hunger or thirst. It's still only day 1, but so far so good.

We are still getting things we need for the house here and there as things come up. This is an older home and we have discovered that there are many things that need to be repaired, replaced or spruced up in order for this place to be up to par. The landlady is really nice and is working with us to get things taken care of. I knew that an older home (built in the 1980's) would be a lot of work, I didn't mind doing small things here and there. However, the structural issues and appliances not functioning properly is not something I can fix. The maintenance man is going to get tired of coming over here quick, ha ha ha!

We spent most of today putting together my son's bedroom furniture from Ikea. I love that store and would recommend it to anyone. We found bedroom furnishings that were the same color scheme and theme for his room, he picked it all out himself too. We were able to get the toy storage bins, the computer chair and the dresser put together today. Tomorrow we need to put together his computer desk and bookshelf. Once his mattress is delivered his bed will be put together. Then his room will be complete and it will look nice. I was super excited to get him new stuff that he could be proud of and enjoy for plenty of years to come.

There is still a ton of unpacking to do. I am so tired all the time these days because I get up early and I am up late at night. I'm trying to stay on top of daily chores as well and getting things in place and put away. Life does not pause just because I want some extra sleep or relaxation. I have to keep up or I will fall behind and that is not something I'm wanting to do right now. I think once I get the grocery shopping done and I have some real food in the house that doesn't come in a take out container I will be much more content. We have eaten out too much lately and I can tell my body is over the crap that I've been feeding it. I am craving veggies and fruit at this point because I haven't had nearly enough of them lately. I haven't been drinking as much water as I need to and I've even had coffee recently in order to stay awake. I can tell that my fatigue and headaches are from bad food choices I've been making and I can't believe that I spent years eating like that every day. It was no wonder I couldn't lose weight. I'm so glad I'm adopting new habits that include healthy choices. Now it's just time to put it all together, get to that farmer's market and make it happen!

It's Almost Done

With three days left until we go to Stone Mountain to pick up keys for the new house, I find myself feeling nervous and a bit anxious. The only major thing I have left to pack is my spice cabinet, everything else is little stuff that will be packed Sunday afternoon or evening. It's almost done!

I have been reading a ton lately on organization for your home and decorating tips for those on a budget. I am trying to get inspired so our new home will look and feel like a home not just some place where we store our stuff. I want things on the walls and nice furniture and places for things and maybe even....curtains on the windows! It's hard when you rent a place because you can't make structural changes to the home but I can decorate it. I've never really tried to give a place I was living any character or liven it up but I think that needs to change. I am tired of boring and mundane, I want people to walk in and say "Wow you have a beautiful home."

Now that the move is upon us I am getting anxious. I am excited to be moving into a new state and having all these new areas to explore and enjoy. I have decided that this move is going to be good for all of us because there will be changes made that we will all benefit from. I want to use this new start as a tool to help me on the road to happiness and health. I want to take time for me and learn how to love who I am and the packaging that I'm contained in. I want to rediscover who I am and stop allowing myself to be what everyone wants me to be. I'm a mother, a wife, a homemaker, a friend and a long distance relative to many. It's not often that I'm just Erin anymore. I adapt to whatever people need in life and become that pillar for them, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but one can get lost in all of that from time to time. I dressed the way society would expect me to dress as a Mom and an adult in her 30's. I colored my hair mundane colors that complemented my eyes or my skin tone but never really showed that edgy side of my personality. I am done with trying to live up to what "I think" a late 30's mom and wife should be and just be myself for a change. Well, once I find out who I am again.

There has been so much on my mind lately with everything that there are times when I forget that I need to take care of myself in all of this too. I need to decompress and unwind, I need to have down time. I need to have positive reassurance that I'm doing ok and that I am a good wife and Mom. This week especially I am feeling emotional and needy and I have had one too many self loathing moments. When I think back to when I was younger, this is definitely NOT how I thought my life would be at this age. Nothing went as "planned" for me and I've never been very good at following the rules anyways. I've been living in a shell for too long and it's time to come out of the shell and actually live. I think I'm ready but I know the journey is going to be a long one.

It starts with little changes for me. I dyed my hair right after my job assignment with the temp agency I was working for ended. I decided to go big and it is jet black with bright blue streaks. I love it. I get complimented on it all the time. Next time though, I think I want more blue in it. So I have an edgy new hair color that gives me something fun to play with. I have left the length long because I just can't bear to cut it. It's just past my shoulder blades and working on getting longer. I have the stylist trim the ends each time so they don't split and my hair stays healthy. She tells me all the time how beautiful and thick my hair is, she hates blow drying it because it always takes so long. I have a lot of hair and always have, so I'm used to it.

After the move I want to look into getting into a healthy routine. Being able to shop at a local farmers market and having fresh food choices readily available to me will help with my diet. I plan on incorporating as much activity and exercise into my daily routine as I can so my body can start to gain back some strength. I won't need a gym membership at all when I live in an area with so many outdoor options for exercise. I look forward to long walks through the neighborhood. I also want to get a new bike (I found one a WalMart that I fell in love with) and go for bike rides through Stone Mountain Park. I have options now and I have no excuse to not utilize all the new tools that have been so beautifully laid out before me.

I'm not saying that this move is going to solve all our problems or that it's a miracle and life will be perfect once we move. We are human and not perfect by any means. However I am embracing this change as a way to start a new path. A path of rediscovery and exploration in many areas of life. A way to reconnect with friends and activities that I haven't been able to enjoy in a long time. A way to make new friends and make new memories for myself and my family. These changes have been long over due and I am finally able to accept that they need to happen and I am ready to do this. This time I'm not changing for anybody or because I want to fit into a mold. I am making changes because I want to be happy, healthy and me! I want to be different and daring and if people don't like that, well then I got two words for em!

Less Than 1 Week

In less than a week we will be arriving in Stone Mountain at the new house to get the keys and do the walk through paperwork. I will then take pictures and sketch out room details so I can make a plan of how I want the furniture placed. It seems like the packing and purging has been going on forever. The only thing left to pack is small stuff or stuff that we use on a daily basis. It's almost done! As I sit here sipping on my tea I can look back on all this and know that I've done a pretty awesome job organizing stuff. I'm hoping that when we get into the new place I will be inspired to be much more organized (I am armed with my HGTV magazine and the Zite app on my phone for ideas). I want my home to be comfortable and things easy to find. I know I can do it, it's just a matter of keeping it up on a daily basis.

I've thought about all the things that I am going to miss about our current house and the things that I won't miss at all. I've come up with a short list for both.

Things I will miss:
The huge open kitchen with island and tons of counter space
Kitchen pantry (I got spoiled by this one)
Master bathroom with double vanity
Garage (I will have a storage shed for stuff in the backyard, unfortunately our car won't fit in the shed....lol)

Things I am glad to say goodbye to:
Stairs
Yard with no fence and no privacy
Neighborhood kids who destroy my yard decorations and pound on our door and run
Bad schools
Stairs (oh wait did I already mention that?)

Things I am looking forward to at the new house:
Much more space (almost 2200sq ft vs the 1500 sq ft we have now)
Fenced yard that is HUGE!
Cute kitchen with decorative accent tiles on the back splash (I'm a sucker for a kitchen with personality)
Single story (no stairs!!)
Huge master bedroom (with a bay window)
New city to explore
Close vicinity to walking and bike riding trails for exercise (who needs a gym membership)
Better school options and activities
Having plenty of room to invite friends over for gatherings (I haven't done this in years so I'm looking forward to it!)

Now if only I could wave a wand and get the rest of our stuff packed I'd be great but if that were the case it would already be done by now. Purging as I go is what is time consuming but I will be thankful that all that trash didn't come with us to clutter up our new home. I will post pictures after I take them next week so I can share my new to me home with everyone! Until then, let the packing and purging continue!