Saturday, June 22, 2013

Just Keep Moving

So as I take a look back at this past week I am not very happy with my progress at all. I've been having a lot of trouble with my stomach lately and it seems like everything I eat upsets it somehow. I get bloated, or gassy or sick feeling and it's just not comfortable. This of course has led to very moderate workouts and not being able to jog at all. I keep pushing hoping that my body will recover sooner than later, but up to this point it's simply not on the same page with me at all. I'm frustrated about it and can't figure out what the heck is going on now.

I look back at the two other times in the past couple of years that I have started workout regiments and I notice a common thread. When I started using the Pink Method program in December of 2011 I hit it strong for about 2 1/2 months before foot and back pain made it impossible to continue the workouts. When I got my gym membership to Planet Fitness in 2012 I went strong for about 2 1/2 months before I ended up having to have oral surgery and found out I have plantar fasciitis in my feet and degenerative arthritis in my back. I've been vegetarian and working out five days a week for about 2 1/2 months now and my body seems to be rebelling yet again. What the heck is it with the 2 1/2 month mark? I can't even make it to 90 days without something  coming up and causing me to either quit working out altogether or to prevent me from working out for an extended period of time. I feel like someone has hit the "broken" button and I am not able to perform at the levels I was previously.

I know that hitting plateaus is normal in weight loss and exercise. You have to gradually challenge yourself in order for your body not to become used to the workouts you do and to allow you to continue to gain strength and stamina. I am to the point where 5 miles isn't much of a challenge for me to walk anymore. Jogging is another story however, I'm back down to maybe doing 1/2 a mile at a time before needing to slow down to a walk. I was up to running a 10 minute mile at one point then everything went downhill from there for some odd reason. Due to my inability to figure out what is going on I have become frustrated and definitely not having a winning mind set recently. There were two days this week I didn't work out at all due to feeling super sick to my stomach. I'm hoping just to take a deep breath and figure out where I need to go from here.

It's time to reevaluate my exercise plan. It's time to cut the last "bad" habit I have out of my diet which is dairy products. I feel horrid when I eat any sort of dairy and the bloating is insane. Yes I am lactose intolerant I have been since I was born but now instead of simple intolerance it seems more like lactose "don't even think about it or I will make you wish you were dead". I have cut out caffeine as well again. I had gotten into the habit of drinking my international brand flavored coffee beverages in the morning and even that started causing issues. They were the first thing to go. So now it's water, tea or occasionally juice. I think my problem with this is that I have already cut so much out of my diet, I'm wondering how much more I'll have to eliminate for my body to be comfortable again. I swear some days I don't even want to eat, it's such a chore now. I used to eat because I liked food and I thought that food brought me comfort, now I eat because I have to in order to stay alive. I can honestly say that my love affair with food is so very over and it honestly doesn't bring me pleasure now.

So I have been battling with myself at this crossroads. I want to just throw in the towel some days and say "forget it I'm done trying to achieve something that I never will." Then I look at my progress the past couple of years and I think to myself "You've come this far and you didn't put the weight on in 2 years so obviously you're not going to lose it all in 2 years." I know it's a struggle and I know that it's a long journey to get where I want to be. I'm just tired of the battle being so arduous and the deck seems stacked against me constantly. I watch shows like The Biggest Loser and I see that hard work and determination do pay off. I don't expect to get those types of results because those people work out like 6 hours a day or more doing hardcore cardio. I am not that amazing yet, I could possibly do 2 hours but that would be my limit I think. I'm down in the 180's which I haven't been since I was 3 months pregnant with my son (11 years ago). I am making strides, I was just hoping that the strides would be a tad bigger than they have been. I'm not a patient person in any sense of the term, so waiting for my body to accept the exercise and diet changes and to respond with a weight loss is very difficult for me most days. I want to be thinner now! I want to have flat abs now! I want to look good in a swimsuit now!

I will continue to workout and hopefully all this bloating and stomach issue will pass and I can start to feel better over time. I can't go back to laying in bed and feeling sorry for myself anymore or stuffing my face with crap because I don't want to take the time to make healthy choices. I need to find my "I can" button and push that sucker in so hard that it won't ever come undone again!

It wouldn't hurt to look like that!

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Wall of Self Doubt

It seems that the past few days I have hit a wall of self doubt within myself that has no reason for being here. I am still doing my workouts, I am still eating vegetarian, I am still trying to remain positive. I am feeling as if my efforts are for nothing and that no matter what I do I am just destined just to be another fat girl that is glossed over by society and will lead a forgettable life.

What?? As I read the above paragraph, I know that isn't the true me talking. It's all the years of low self esteem and doubts that I have pushed into the back of my mind but not yet dealt with. I try to ignore the bad voices in my head and just push past them rather than evicting them from their perfectly comfortable existence in my life. Even though I realize this, I can't help but feel totally defeated in every way imaginable.

So tonight I needed a pick me up. I needed a reminder that I have made steps and progress towards my goal even though the journey is not happening as quickly as I would like. I started my weight loss journey in December of 2011. I started a plan called the Pink Method that had a very structured eating plan and exercise plan that was perfectly laid out in the book I got along with my videos. I started strong on the plan. My first measurements when I started the program were as follows:

Bust: 44 inches
Waist: 44 1/2 inches
Hips: 48 inches
Thighs: 44 inches
Weight: 215 pounds

Not something that I was very proud of at all. So I worked this plan for about 2 1/2 months before pain in my feet and back sidelined me and I wasn't able to do the workouts anymore. I also discovered my gluten allergy shortly after getting off that program and I had to start making changes in my eating habits that didn't include wheat based products anymore.

Fast forward to about 2 years later and I am sitting in my room watching episodes of The Biggest Loser, looking for inspiration to continue working out and eating right. On a whim I pulled out my Pink Method diary book and looked back at those measurements. I took new measurements tonight to see what kind of progress I had made over the past 2 years. These were my results:

Bust: 36 1/2 inches
Waist: 37 inches
Hips: 43 1/2 inches
Thighs: 38 1/2 inches
Weight: 181 pounds

That's a weight loss of 34 pounds and a loss of 25 inches total. I see the amount of inches lost and I feel a little bit better about my progress. I know that I am doing the right thing and that if I continue on the path that I am currently on this time next year I will have even more weight and inch loss to report. Still, I wish the number on the scale would reflect my hard work a little more and get lower. You can tell a lot by photos as well and when I look at photos of me over the past few years, I can see a difference.

My wedding in 2006 (235lbs)

Birthday Party in 2007

Anniversary Trip in 2008

At BCBST in 2009

WWE Hall of Fame Event 2011

Stone Mountain Park 2012

After a workout in 2013

Georgia Ren Faire 2013

Apparently size matters and it's obvious that I am getting smaller. Now I just need to ramp up my workouts that I have gotten quite bored with and make each one count. I still have about 60 pounds to lose so I need to stay positive and focused and know that dedication will be my biggest asset in this journey, there is no easy way out or I would have done it by now, that's for sure!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

They Served Me Well

After my walk yesterday it became very apparent that my shoes have walked their last miles. I have had my Nike's for about 8 months now and they have been the only pair of shoes that I've worn since they were purchased. I used to own several pairs and types of shoes but when you have orthotics it greatly limits what you can and can't wear. Since moving to GA I have put some serious mileage on these shoes and the backs have broken down and have huge holes in them. The time has come to retire the hardworking Nike's and to get another pair of shoes that will serve me well in the upcoming months. I have big plans for exercising and continuing to lose this weight and I'll need to have the tools to do so.

Today I'm meeting up with my son's best friend's mom to drop him off after day camp so he can spend the weekend with his best friend. Since it's going to be our first kid free weekend in awhile we are planning on staying active and doing some shopping this weekend. Shoes are first on my list. I'm kinda excited. For the next couple of days however I am letting my feet rest and heal. I have blisters and calluses on my toes and it's gotten painful to even walk around. I did some research on why this might have happened and after reading several articles on running, I discovered that I was not only wearing the wrong shoes for the job, I was also wearing the wrong socks. I was going about it all wrong and never would have known to change it. So a couple of days of healing up and I should be able to get back to my normal level of activity on Monday. The weekend will be spent doing a lower level of activity (shopping and walking around in parks and such at a leisurely pace) weather permitting.

I never in a million years thought that I would be having to replace a pair of shoes because I exercised so much and put so many miles on them that they wore out. It's a good feeling. Every day when I accomplish my workouts and I run a little faster or further it makes me feel absolutely fabulous. I know that I'm doing this for me and that my hard work is paying off and I can finally see some results. It's still very much a work in progress and I have about 50 or so more pounds to lose. It's getting easier to lace up and do it every day now though. I am looking forward to reaching that goal and being able to know that I did this myself! Nobody ran those miles for me, nobody forced me to do the work, I did it because I know that only the changes I make will give me the results that I want.

 Don't mind the hair I just finished a 4 mile walk

There is definite ab definition finally

Retiring my Nike's for a new pair this weekend

I've come a long way from looking like this (taken in 2008)