Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Word's I never thought I'd say....

I jogged tonight! I jogged 1/2 miles tonight. It's not much but after my ankle fracture last year I wasn't sure I would be able to run/jog again anytime soon. I am very proud of the fact that I went 1/2 a mile, but my stamina is very low. I was breathing very hard and my legs and rear burned. However, I now have a goal to work up to and what better time to start than now.

I have been inspired watching Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition lately. Chris Powell does an amazing job getting these people motivated and on track to a happier and healthier lifestyle. I have watched these morbidly obese people work out, sweat, cry and push themselves to the limit to achieve their goals. They lose hundreds of pounds over the course of a year and look amazing. If they can do it, why can't I lose the 50-60 pounds I need to lose in a year? (or less hopefully). I am not morbidly obese but I am clinically obese. I don't qualify for weight loss surgeries or a show where a great trainer helps me through my weight loss. I have to do this myself. The thought of finally taking responsibility for my health terrifies me. I have made excuses for years. Well it's time to put the excuses away and take control before I get older and end up one of those people in agony wishing I had done things differently.

I recently went back to work. After being a stay at home wife and mother for 9 months, I decided that I missed having my own money to spend on things that I wanted to do or wanted to buy. I always felt guilty for spending money on myself because it took away from household money. Now there is no worries, I have a great job that pays well and I love the crew I work with. It's stressful sometimes (especially when my supervisor goes on vacation and I have to do my job and his with only 2 days of proper training in my position!) However, I think that I am learning more about the position daily and I'm hoping that I am making a good impression with the company.

I've been pretty anxious lately because of getting back into the routine of working. When I first started my job, I was coming home, eating dinner and going straight to bed. I wasn't interacting with the kids, or my sisters. Hell I was barely human by the time I got home. Mental exhaustion was overwhelming and I let it consume me. Now with the help of a wake up call from my sister, I am aware of what I had been doing. It wasn't healthy for me and I was isolating myself from my family without even realizing I was doing it. So I made up my mind to change it. There have been many changes noted lately that I am slowly integrating into my life. That way I can be healthy, happy and satisfied with myself. I should smile when I look in the mirror, not think of all the things that I dislike about myself.

I need to drink more water. It's hard when I have myself engrossed in work all day to remember to stop every few moments and take a drink. What usually happens is I drink very little during the day, come home, feel guilty and try to get in all my daily intake at night before bed. (See where this is going?) I spend all night up going potty because my bladder is trying to filter all that water that I guzzled in a matter of a few hours. I noticed there is an app for the iPhone that reminds you to drink water. I know this sounds lazy, needing an app to tell me to drink water, but if it helps me remember why not? It's something that I need to do for my health, it's important.

I need to exercise more. I can always find a reason not to work out. I'm good at that. However, this weight isn't going to lose itself. I'm still over 200 pounds and I've been that way for 9 years now. I can't take it anymore. I miss the days of wearing clothes that didn't say plus size or XXL. I miss being able to wear skirts or shorts and not have my thighs rub raw. I am going to commit myself to working out 5 days a week. There are plenty of options for me to do so and I don't need a gym membership for any of them. The track up the street at the high school is perfect for walking and jogging. Lots of folks utilize it. Even if I can't jog every night, as long as I am walking at a moderate pace, it'll still burn calories and help keep my metabolism in line so I don't develop more health issues. I would also like to add in some other exercises for my arms and abs since those are the two areas that I need to most toning up in. I cannot allow myself to keep making excuses to sit around and watch tv, I need to get moving so I can get bragging rights when I meet my goals.

I need to eat healthier. This I am already doing to a point. I love veggies and fruits, I want to incorporate more fish into my diet as well. My portion sizes are getting smaller and I am trying not to over indulge on the sweet treats. (That trip to the Little Debbie's bakery store was probably not a good idea). I haven't eaten but a few of the Debbie's snacks, so I'm really keeping myself to moderation where desserts and treats are concerned. It's hard, I love food! However I do not love the fact that I'm still overweight and the older I get the more I dislike my appearance.

I also am going to take time for me. Even if it's something small, a pedicure, a new pair of pj's, a new hair color, it's about me. I make plenty of money now and as long as I don't go hog wild and blow all of it, spending some on myself to make myself feel good is perfectly ok. I think I deserve it. I think every woman deserves it honestly. (yeah guys push a baby out of your coochie and then tell me you don't think it's ok to get your toe nails painted!) ;P

So these are my thoughts as of lately. I know that I am not very consistent on my entries. I am hoping to change that and actually get my feelings out there. How can people even say they understand what I'm going through if I don't tell them the situation?

By the way, I have rediscovered my love for coffee. I have a cup every morning and it's what gets me through my work mornings. Coffee can't fix my life, but it sure can make me feel better about making the changes to fix it myself! =D