Friday, February 22, 2013

It's Almost Done

With three days left until we go to Stone Mountain to pick up keys for the new house, I find myself feeling nervous and a bit anxious. The only major thing I have left to pack is my spice cabinet, everything else is little stuff that will be packed Sunday afternoon or evening. It's almost done!

I have been reading a ton lately on organization for your home and decorating tips for those on a budget. I am trying to get inspired so our new home will look and feel like a home not just some place where we store our stuff. I want things on the walls and nice furniture and places for things and maybe even....curtains on the windows! It's hard when you rent a place because you can't make structural changes to the home but I can decorate it. I've never really tried to give a place I was living any character or liven it up but I think that needs to change. I am tired of boring and mundane, I want people to walk in and say "Wow you have a beautiful home."

Now that the move is upon us I am getting anxious. I am excited to be moving into a new state and having all these new areas to explore and enjoy. I have decided that this move is going to be good for all of us because there will be changes made that we will all benefit from. I want to use this new start as a tool to help me on the road to happiness and health. I want to take time for me and learn how to love who I am and the packaging that I'm contained in. I want to rediscover who I am and stop allowing myself to be what everyone wants me to be. I'm a mother, a wife, a homemaker, a friend and a long distance relative to many. It's not often that I'm just Erin anymore. I adapt to whatever people need in life and become that pillar for them, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but one can get lost in all of that from time to time. I dressed the way society would expect me to dress as a Mom and an adult in her 30's. I colored my hair mundane colors that complemented my eyes or my skin tone but never really showed that edgy side of my personality. I am done with trying to live up to what "I think" a late 30's mom and wife should be and just be myself for a change. Well, once I find out who I am again.

There has been so much on my mind lately with everything that there are times when I forget that I need to take care of myself in all of this too. I need to decompress and unwind, I need to have down time. I need to have positive reassurance that I'm doing ok and that I am a good wife and Mom. This week especially I am feeling emotional and needy and I have had one too many self loathing moments. When I think back to when I was younger, this is definitely NOT how I thought my life would be at this age. Nothing went as "planned" for me and I've never been very good at following the rules anyways. I've been living in a shell for too long and it's time to come out of the shell and actually live. I think I'm ready but I know the journey is going to be a long one.

It starts with little changes for me. I dyed my hair right after my job assignment with the temp agency I was working for ended. I decided to go big and it is jet black with bright blue streaks. I love it. I get complimented on it all the time. Next time though, I think I want more blue in it. So I have an edgy new hair color that gives me something fun to play with. I have left the length long because I just can't bear to cut it. It's just past my shoulder blades and working on getting longer. I have the stylist trim the ends each time so they don't split and my hair stays healthy. She tells me all the time how beautiful and thick my hair is, she hates blow drying it because it always takes so long. I have a lot of hair and always have, so I'm used to it.

After the move I want to look into getting into a healthy routine. Being able to shop at a local farmers market and having fresh food choices readily available to me will help with my diet. I plan on incorporating as much activity and exercise into my daily routine as I can so my body can start to gain back some strength. I won't need a gym membership at all when I live in an area with so many outdoor options for exercise. I look forward to long walks through the neighborhood. I also want to get a new bike (I found one a WalMart that I fell in love with) and go for bike rides through Stone Mountain Park. I have options now and I have no excuse to not utilize all the new tools that have been so beautifully laid out before me.

I'm not saying that this move is going to solve all our problems or that it's a miracle and life will be perfect once we move. We are human and not perfect by any means. However I am embracing this change as a way to start a new path. A path of rediscovery and exploration in many areas of life. A way to reconnect with friends and activities that I haven't been able to enjoy in a long time. A way to make new friends and make new memories for myself and my family. These changes have been long over due and I am finally able to accept that they need to happen and I am ready to do this. This time I'm not changing for anybody or because I want to fit into a mold. I am making changes because I want to be happy, healthy and me! I want to be different and daring and if people don't like that, well then I got two words for em!

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