Sunday, August 25, 2013

Fatigue, too tired to be angry

Recently one of the major side effects of mine and "Ted's" relationship is that I am tired all the time. It's very frustrating when I think about how just a few short weeks ago I was so active and had so much energy but that over the course of "Ted" getting bigger I am getting exhausted. I am still trying to figure out how to deal with this because I'm not sure what to do. Pushing myself past my limits and forcing myself into activity just doesn't work, I found this out yesterday.

My hubby, my son and I decided that since the rain had given us a break yesterday that we were going to take advantage of the weather and go outside. There are plenty of parks in our area that we haven't explored yet so we decided to go on a nature day. We went to the first park that we chose and it really wasn't as great as we had hoped so we spent a short amount of time there letting my son play on the playground but ultimately we left for another park. We went to Historic 4th Ward Park in downtown Atlanta. It seemed interesting and it too had a playground for my son to play on and climb and get out some of his pent up energy. We stayed there most of the afternoon. He played on the playground and splash pad (kids and water always good time). While he was playing the hubby and I decided to try to do some walking around the sidewalk that encircled the play areas. It was hot out so I didn't want to go too fast so I set out at a pace that felt comfortable to me, turned on my Endomondo app to track my progress and off we went. It took me 28 minutes to walk a mile! That's almost double my normal walk speed. I really felt like I was jamming, like I was going pretty quickly, I was even sweating like I had done some extreme cardio. 28 minutes? I was crushed. Even when I first started walking in March I was doing a 23 minute mile and that was around 10 pounds ago. After that mile I was exhausted and had to sit down. I drank some water and shortly after I had some lunch (I packed up a picnic for us). That made me feel slightly better but I still didn't feel well. I just wanted a nap, I felt the need to sleep.

I'm not sure why "Ted's" symbiotic relationship with me would cause fatigue. I mean he's not living in a system of my body that I would think would impact my daily life. Sure the reproductive system is important but it's not like he lives on my heart, or lungs, or liver etc. He resides on my ovary and I didn't realize just how prime that property was for making me feel like doo doo for doing barely anything. Today I tried to get some housework done and I made a grocery run to the market. After I had some lunch I went in to watch some television. I finished what was in my queue of shows to watch and I started reading. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep and took a two hour nap. I didn't really feel that what I did today constituted napping, I mean seriously it wasn't like I was out doing manual labor in the yard or anything. I am just so confused as to where all this exhaustion is coming from.

When I get tired like this it's not like I can choose to not acknowledge it or do something about it either. I don't believe it's from depression (even though I have been down more often lately than not). I don't feel like I'm sleeping to escape something or because I'm bored or because I feel bad about myself. I am sleeping because I don't have the energy not to. I could see if I was undergoing some sort of treatment why I would be tired, subjecting my body to such harsh realities. However I am not subjecting my body to anything harsh, or intrusive. I am taking my vitamins and supplements like I need to be. I'm eating right and drinking my fluids. There is no logical reason for me to have the energy of an elderly woman. I'm stymied about it. I have no answers. So for now, I will treat it as I can and hope that after "Ted" is evicted and out of my life for good that I get back to feeling like me again and not some sort of broken down version of me.

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