Tuesday, February 12, 2013

At Wits End

I have to admit that lately I have been is a pretty bad mood. I'm so frustrated with everything right now and that is cause for me to have a very defeatist attitude. I think this is going to be a much needed rant post, so if you don't want to listen to me complain, stop reading now.

I decided that 2013 was going to be the year that I work on my health. I want to get back into a healthy eating and exercise regiment that will help me to achieve my weight loss goals. I started using My Fitness Pal in order to track food and what little exercise I do get. Well I saw this morning that I have been using MFP for 80 days now! I looked at my weight loss counter and saw that I only lost 3 pounds! Wait, what? 3 pounds in 80 days? What the hell? That just set me off and I got extremely angry at myself because obviously I'm not doing it right or something. I calorie count like a champ and I count everything I eat. Whether they are desserts, snacks, meals or beverages. It's like a religion to keep myself on track and only eat my calorie allotment daily and there were days on end that I was under my calorie goal. Most professionals will tell you that diet plays a huge part in your weight loss. Well it doesn't seem to have a part in my weight loss at all. So all the calorie counting and water consumption have gotten me 3lbs down. Big whoop-de-doo!

Then there is the daily grind of packing and purging. I started off this moving project with good intentions and with tons of motivation. However the more I pack and purge the more irritated I get at how much crap I have kept over the years for no good reason. Saturday we spent about 8 hours just shredding documents that we didn't need anymore. 8 HOURS! That's like a full time job right there and I've recently found more paperwork in our bedroom that needs to be shredded. My lord, what was I trying to accomplish keeping all that crap. Paperwork from when I lived in CA and moved here to TN. I understand there are certain things you should keep, tax stuff etc. However all that paperwork that I had was unnecessary and downright ridiculous. I'm so over it! We have accumulated so much garbage in the 7 years that we've been together. That's just counting our stuff, don't get me talking about my son's room and all the garbage that he has in there because "It has meaning to me". Every broken toy or rock or piece of paper has meaning to him and he cries when I talk about throwing stuff away. He doesn't understand that for all the stuff we will be getting rid of, it will make room for an awesome new bedroom set and cool updated big boy stuff. I try to be calm and just work through it but at this point it's starting to get to me.

I've not been giving packing my full effort lately at all. I will admit that. I should already have a bulk of the house packed and I'm just not quite there yet. However I am feeling overwhelmed at the moment. It's like it will never end, the packing and purging. I have so much garbage that needs to be thrown out it's like an episode of hoarders in my garage right now. I just want to scream! How can my OCD have let all this accumulate like this! Arrgh! Let me tell you what, our new place is going to be different because I'm not going through this again!

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