Saturday, December 15, 2012

An End to a Bad Week

This past week was definitely not the best of weeks. Feeling sick, getting gluten in my gluten free pizza and having stress about work and health make for a tiring week. I was so glad that yesterday was Friday and that I could start hopefully what would be a good weekend!

Yesterday I had my appointment to pick up my orthotics from the podiatry office. I was nervous because I've never had to walk with inserts like that and I wasn't sure how they would feel. Honestly I hate them. They are rigid, they are stiff and it feels like I am constantly stepping on something. The nurse told me this would happen. That I would have to learn to love my orthotics and that the relief from pain would come with time. She fitted them properly in my athletic shoes and I laced up my shoes and stood up. I felt like I was walking in heels because the heel of the orthotic is slightly elevated. The hardness of the insert was not a comfortable feeling. I've worn those gel inserts before that surround your feet in a pillow of comfort. However a true orthotic is not about blissful looking gels or about comfort, they are about correctly a problem and alleviating pain. I have to do this, I have to be consistent and take care of my body or when I'm older, I'm going to have to have surgery possibly or not be able to walk unassisted. Chin up and move forward.
Orthotic Inserts

I have to slowly adjust my feet to the orthotics. I was only allowed to wear them for an hour yesterday. My feet hurt most of last night from just an hours worth of the change. Today I'll need to wear them 2 hours. I'll increase my wear time an hour up until I get to 8 hours. Then I'll be able to wear them all day without problems. I have to go back to the podiatrist in 2 weeks for another follow up. They are going to check my feet again and make sure the orthotics are actually helping. Make sure the swelling of the plantar fascia ligament is down to normal ranges and that my legs are experiencing less pain after walking. This will allow me to work my way back up to being able to be physically active again and be able to hike during the warm months. I love being outdoors and I would be so upset if I couldn't explore the trails and walkways.
My New Nike's

We went to dinner at Red Robin last night. I wanted to have a nice dinner out and to unwind from all the stress of my week. Emotionally I should have chosen a more healthy place to eat. I knew that I was going to comfort myself with my food choices. I was definitely going to go over my calorie limit for the day. I didn't care. I wanted to feel normal. I wanted to enjoy my food and not worry about calories or fat content or sugar content. I wanted to be able to enjoy a night out like I used to before all my health choices and changes. I ordered freckled lemonade to drink. Each glass was 125 calories. I had 2 glasses and eyed a third one needfully (but didn't drink it). I ordered a Royal Robin burger was was 1080 calories. I ate some fries of course which was 190 calories worth. Overall my dinner was 1520 calories last night, that's more than my daily allotment! That's not counting my 721 calories for lunch (chicken teriyaki with fried rice and vegetables) or my 165 calorie breakfast. Overall yesterday I had 2406 calories. That is the most I've had since I started using My Fitness Pal a month ago. I was 926 calories over my allotment. I came home and couldn't sleep because I was so worried about my lack of self control. It's just one day but it was so easy for me to just do it and not care about the results. As a punishment to myself I started watching a show last night about people with food addictions that were extreme. Not just a love of certain types of foods, but an extreme eating disorder that required help from medical professionals. I was in shock at the amount of foods these poor people were eating. I kept thinking to myself, that could be me. I could be wrecking my body and causing health issues to myself if I didn't recognize this behavior in the future and take steps to avoid it. I can understand now where that desire to eat like that came from and I believe that I have ways to prevent it in the future. I feel fat this morning and I'm still suffering from the bloat from the gluten I consumed in my gluten free pizza on Wednesday night.

Today I'm going to decompress. I'm going to do things that make me happy and that will allow me to feel enjoyment in something that isn't food. I ate my cereal and banana this morning and an hour later I feel hungry. I know that's my body tricking me because I indulged last night and now my stomach thinks that's the new eating habit. It's not going to happen. I'm going to eat healthy choices today, lots of vegetables and lean proteins. I need to fill my body with good things not the crap that I think will make me feel better. It's hard to admit that I have a weakness for food, I never in a million years thought that food would be a crutch but it is. I am going to walk unassisted without my crutch because I owe it to myself and my family.

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