Sunday, February 13, 2011

Just not feeling like me these days

This weekend overall wasn't horrible, however it wasn't the best weekend ever either. Yesterday I hosted a table top Dresden Files game for my friends. We gamed until after 11pm and it was a great game. I played from the couch because I still was feeling horrible and suffering from fever most of the day yesterday. I kept myself under the blanket and played my character just fine. After our guests left, I made my way to bed and crashed hardcore.

I slept in this morning until about 10am. Got up, made some coffee, checked Facebook to make sure nothing important had happened while I slept and then got online to play some World of Warcraft. I played for a few hours but due to system issues and constant lag and getting disconnected from the server my frustration mounted and I quit playing in a huff. I was in a horrible mood by that point. I ate some soup, changed laundry over then laid on the couch and slept. I just woke up a little bit ago and made myself some quick dinner. I am still incredibly moody and feeling overall like crap. I guess I should elaborate on some stuff so this might all make sense.

For almost a year now I've had some major digestive issues. At first I thought that it was lactose intolerance. Then I thought that it might be irritable bowel syndrome. Then I thought it was because I was eating too much. Honestly I had no idea why I was having issues but I was making up excuses like there was an MD behind my name. My husband was getting more and more worried when the obvious symptoms kept getting worse and finally had to threaten me in order to get me to make a doctor appointment for this issue. Good thing about it when I called my doctor and told them that I was having issues with rectal bleeding and blood in my stool, they immediately got me in. (Sorry couldn't find a way to explain that without going into detail). My primary care doctor listened to me patiently and made descriptive notes on everything I told her. She has set me up with a specialist and I have my first appointment on Thursday of this coming week. I am terrified. I have no idea what to expect, I've never had to go to a doctor for something of this caliber and I fear that their diagnosis might have something in it that I really don't want to know. It could be a number of things, however I am trying to keep a clear head and not jump to the conclusion that it always has to be something bad. I will keep my blog updated with the information as it comes to me. Friday they took a blood panel also because this isnt' the only issue I've been having recently...

I know that sometimes depression can cause one to sleep a lot. However, what if it isn't depression? Since October, I have been sleeping more than I've been awake. Having to cram chores into a huge one day event because during the week I simply can't stay awake to do them. I've tried exercise hoping that would tell my body to wake up, it only makes me tired and I end up falling asleep. We thought it might be lack of food. I'm bad about not remembering to eat like I should despite prompting. When I eat I immediately feel like I've been drugged and lay down and go to sleep. If I don't eat I sleep. Basically here it is, I am friggin sick of sleeping all the damn time. I know it irritates my husband, because he thinks it's a conscious choice for me to decided to nap. However at this point I can't "not" sleep. I try to stay awake like normal people do and on the days I can manage that I'm in bed by 8-9pm so tired I feel like I'm going to die. I told my doctor if I'm deficient in something I need to know. If it's a medication issues, I need to know. Why am I suddenly unable to function without a nap (or two) a day?

That leads to the issues I have sleeping at night. Due to the sleeping during the day my sleep schedule at night is messed up all the way around. However, when I do try to legitimately lay down and go to sleep, I can't due to being in pain. My legs, mostly my knees, feel like someone is drilling into them with a bit and is trying to hollow them out. The doctor took x-rays and there is nothing wrong with my bones at all. They are healthy and solid like they should be. I have no idea where this pain is coming from. Last night it was my feet and thighs that were bothering me. It could be restless leg syndrome, however with the pain mostly being in my joints the doctor doesn't think that is the culprit. She will continue to monitor this and see what other symptoms develop over the next few weeks.

There seems to be quite a bit that is making me feel not myself these days. All these different health issues are cause for concern and I won't know whether or not they are serious until I go to the doctors and get some answers. I am moody and unable to focus on most things that I normally enjoy. I can feel the depression kicking around in my brain, however I am trying to keep it from surfacing because I simply do not need one more things causing me issues right now.

I'm worried and I'm sick of being unwell. Part of me just wants to blame this on my family because some of this may be hereditary. However that isn't fair because I have been in control of my own body for 16 years now and goodness knows I haven't always made the best decisions concerning my own health. I guess now is the time to reap what I've sewn. Let's just hope it's all small stuff.

It's too late at night for coffee, however I have some nice herbal tea that just might be calling my name here in a few moments. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll post updates when I get them.

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