I have more willpower than I thought

Recently I have had to make some necessary diet changes again in order to be able to be comfortable and not suffer with stomach issues every time I eat. I have completely eliminated dairy from my diet now as well as caffeine. Wouldn't you know that the moment I did so and my body adjusted to it, I've been fine ever since and haven't had a single stomach issue. That should be great news and I should be super excited to have "normal" digestive health now, but I'm kind of sad. That means no more cheese, yogurt or chocolate. No more coffee beverages either. I can't help but feel sorry for the little voice in my head that keeps pestering me to "eat the cheese or it's just one chocolate bar", because that little voice has no control over me and I'm not going to eat or drink something that I know is going to cause me discomfort or pain. Does that mean that I no longer want these things, no, I still want them. However I have learned that by accepting the fact that you want them, allowing yourself to think about it for a moment then redirecting your thoughts elsewhere is very rewarding in itself. I have not given in to temptation at all since cutting these foods out of my diet and I don't intend to either.

The other morning when I got on the scale I was surprised to see that the number kept bouncing between 179 and 180 pounds. I'm beginning to think that the excess weight I was experiencing was from bloat due to the dairy products in my system. Now I don't have that issue so those couple of stubborn pounds might be gone for good. I would very much love to see myself in the 170's because I haven't weighed that since I was about 3 months pregnant with my son. It would be nice to know that all this exercise and eating right are keeping me going in the right direction.

Emotionally recently I have been doing well. There have been days when I have been outright exhausted but that's from me pushing myself way too hard physically and wearing myself out. There was a day last week when I walked my 5 miles around Stone Mountain Park then I came home and spent over an hour mowing my front yard. I learned some very valuable lessons that day. Lesson 1 is never mow your lawn the day after a storm front passes through Georgia. The grass is wet, thick and virtually impossible to cut and will manage to clog up your lawnmower with each pass. I spent more time cleaning out the undercarriage of the stupid mower than I did cutting the grass it seems. Lesson 2 is never listen to my brain when it says "oh c'mon it's just a little physical exertion, you totally got this!" Yes I did finish the work but afterwards I was spent. I could barely walk and I spent the rest of the day feeling very disconnected. I had burnt over 1300 calories that day and that is definitely not something that I am used to doing normally. Lesson 3 is never rub your eyes when sweat runs into them. Holy cow I was in agony for a few moments because of this. I was sweating so bad and it was so humid outside that day that my sunglasses were fogging up and making it very difficult for me to see what the heck I was doing. I blame some of the crooked mow paths on this. It was like doing an insanity workout only I didn't have a trainer screaming at me or telling me to suck it up and get it done. However I was picturing having Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser giving me a pep talk. Whatever it took to get the job done I did. Stupid wet grass!

I have to understand that I am not a machine, I am a human being. I am older and my body is not that of a young person anymore. If I push myself too hard and something goes wrong, I'm going to hate the fact that I wasn't more careful when I'm laid up in bed on bed rest. However, I am a competitive person. I am always trying to best myself and go further, or faster or longer or harder. If I have a young mind then my body will be young too right? I can only hope. So far I haven't killed myself doing anything excessive so I guess it's not too bad. I'm chasing the body that I know is under this small layer of fat that I have left that is just refusing to go away.

Today I did some much needed housework and got things done. I didn't exercise outside today so I'm feeling very pent up right now. I'm hoping that tomorrow morning when I go out to work out that my body will comply and I'll be able to get in some good cardio. It's very strange that exercising is so much a part of my routine now that when I miss days I feel empty and like something is missing. Who would have thought that I would ever have that mentality? Yet here it is. I would really like to make jogging a more routine staple in my exercise plan but to date my jogging has been mediocre at best. I can do about a mile then I have to start walking it out. To me that's not acceptable, especially since I've been doing 5 miles 5 times a week since April. I should be able to jog more than I walk now but I just can't seem to push past that mile mark. It's like the moment I hit a mile my body shuts down and I simply can't run anymore. It's frustrating but I'm going to keep working on it and add techniques as I learn them to see what works best for me. Running burns calories really well and I would love for this weight loss to pick up a little bit of speed.

 Hopefully all these changes will give me something to write about more often so my poor little blog isn't so neglected. I would love someday for more than a handful of people to read my blog and to relate or be inspired by it. Hey a girl can dream can't she?