My Body is Freaking Out!

Lately my body has been doing things that it would not normally do. The past three days has been an interesting turn of events with mood swings, depression, anxiety and bad sleep. I picked up my night time medication yesterday after work and took it at bedtime. I never woke up once. I slept through the night and woke up this morning feeling so much better. It's funny how 300mg of a medication can make all the difference. However, there is a drawback to taking this medication. It is habit forming. My husband looked up the information about the drug online and it is not only habit forming but it has some pretty severe side effects if you stop taking it without being weaned from it first. Which is why the past two days I've felt horrible because I ran out of the pills on Saturday and didn't take any Sunday or Monday. He described the withdrawal symptoms to me and I had most of them. I was so sad. How could a medication that was helping me so well, be bad for my body and even worse if not taken regularly? Needless to say I must continue to take the medication for now but a call is going in to my doctor about it and I want to discuss other medication options that are non habit forming. I don't like feeling dependent on a pill. I must find another alternative that will block the pain without the addiction potential.

Yesterday at work was ridiculous. We are getting busy now that we are going into crunch season. Nerves are stretched thin and tempers are high. Being a temp at the company means that when something goes awry with a process we get blamed first for it, since we're not permanent employees. I usually just shrug off this stress because I know how to do my job, I do my job well and I can back up and do the jobs of the other temps too if I have to. I am a professional and I've been doing this kind of work for years throughout my life. They want us to bring the A game, well all they had to do was ask and I'm going to make sure it gets stepped up a notch and that things run a little smoother in our training room of happiness. (Have I mentioned how much I hate being in a closed room with no windows for 8 hours a day?)

I have not made it to the gym this week at all. I'm not sure that I'm going to have time after work. By the time I get home, get dinner done and cleaned up, it's after 7pm. By that point my body has gone into "I'm tired and want to relax" mode and I just can't find the motivation to go to the gym. I still have Saturdays and Sundays that I can go to the gym in the mornings. Two days a week is better than nothing I suppose. I am thinking about maybe starting my exercise video that I got last year around this time. Back then the workouts were too much for my back and feet to handle but I also weight 210 pounds at that point. Now that I've lost some weight, maybe it won't be so bad. I have to do something though because without exercise to create new lean muscle, I'm not going to be able to burn through all this excess stored fat in my reserve and see significant weight loss results. A pound a week is great but I'm not sure I want to wait 50 weeks to be to my goal weight. (Wow that's almost a year!)

Feeling blah and having some back pain. The emotional roller coaster of hormones is driving me nuts. Another bad side effect of withdrawal from that medication is my monthly cycle started again. It just stopped a week ago and now it's back. If I get a choice in my next lifetime I'm so not being the woman! What am I to do? I guess just hold my head up and get on with my day because life won't pause just because I feel crappy.

this is how I feel today