Admitting defeat and changing the routine

Yesterday I hit rock bottom. At about 2pm the bottom fell out of my little health boat and I crashed into the shoreline full tilt. I immediately texted my husband and he agreed that getting up at 4am and working out, then working an 8 hour workday, then coming home and trying to cook dinner and do chores just wasn't working for me. I came home from work and felt HORRIBLE. I was overly tired, I didn't want to eat, I hated myself for feeling so defeated and all I wanted to do was stuff my face with crappy foods and sleep. I had hit the bottom of what my body was able to cope with and being awake all those hours a day is not it. 

So last night I went to bed just after 8pm and I didn't get up this morning until 6am. I feel like I have slept too long, like I'm almost hung over from sleeping. I can't seem to shake off the heavy feeling. I don't like it at all. I finally have to admit to myself that I need my rest, that I need downtime and that pushing myself like I did when I was younger is not going to work for me at this age and place in my life. I have to formulate another workout plan. Going to the gym in the evenings is my other option. Come home from work, get dinner started and head to the gym. That doesn't sound good to me either because once I'm home from work, I want to relax, not go strength train and do cardio. I feel like everything is against me losing this weight!

Now I know there are tons of people in this world who have full time jobs, families, homes to maintain and they still find time to fit exercise into their daily routines. You have to plan it out, you have to schedule it into the day (or evening). It is really no different than getting up early to go workout. You go to the gym in the evening, come home eat a light dinner then shower and go to bed. I am just scared that my motivation to do so won't be as great after I've worked a full 8 hour day as it was prior to me going to work. 

I have to commit to this however and the early morning routine left me feeling absolutely awful by the end of the day. It was like the worst case of depression every single evening. I cannot deal with that. I want to be happy throughout the day and happy when I come home from work so my mood is not affecting my son or my husband. I don't want to take my grumpiness out on either of them because I am having a short temper or quick to agitate moment. So I need to make a change for my health and for the happiness of my family. 

I will be heading to the gym tonight and see how well I do. Who knows, maybe it will be amazing and I will learn to love an evening sweat routine. I'm apprehensive about it now, but I won't know anything until I try it. 

Here we go again!