Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Happiness doesn't last forever....

I knew it was too good to be true. Us a happy family, yeah right. Once again my son has managed to piss my husband off to the point where he reacted to the situation and I have to just shut up and deal with the consequences for my son's stupid actions. I am so tired of this. Why can't the two of them just get along. I had such a good day and we had a good night out shopping, then we come home and the screaming match began. Dakota wasn't listening, he left the hall light on for the millionth time when he went to his room. He got told never to turn the light on again. I yelled for him to come downstairs for him to correct his homework which resulted to him not turning his bedroom light off either. Which resulted in Nathan turning the power off to my son's bedroom. It will get turned back on in 2 weeks when my friends move in. Now mind you my son is terrified of the dark. So now he has to suffer with pitch blackness in his room because he again for the millionth time left the light on when not in his room. Whatever.

My husband and I have been married going on 5 years. For 5 years it's been the same song and dance between my son and my husband. You would think my son would remember things that he's been told to do over and over again. But he does not. This causes my husband and I to fight because I always jump to my son's aide and defend him even when my son is in the wrong. This has to stop, hubby and I have to be a unified front and have the same set of punishments for behavior that is careless and absent minded. So I sit down here with knots in my stomach and tears in my eyes because my son has always been the source of conflict in our relationship. It just kills me to think that the conflict is only going to get worse as my son gets older, because he's not really my husband's son, he's a "step" child. Granted all hubby does is yell, but when he hollers, he hollers, it even made me jump. Now my son is back to the "I knew he didn't really want to be my dad"....attitude.

Why? Why does my decision to have a child have to cause such an issue. This isn't the first relationship I've been in where my son has been a "problem" for other people. No he's not perfect, no even close, the child has more issues than a magazine vendor. However I chose to bring him into this world, he's my son, my responsibility and he and I are a package deal. There is no "send him to live somewhere else". That is not even an option. I try and I try and I do and I do but for what. It all to end in a screaming match with my husband pissed and not wanting to be around my son. This is why we don't do many "family" things together. I have my relationship with my husband, I have my relationship with my son, however I cannot have a relationship with the three of us as a family because sooner or later shit like this happens and it all falls apart.

Now what? I go upstairs and act like I'm not upset by the recent outburst. If I say anything it'll get into a fight between me and my husband because "I don't know how to raise a child with discipline and I let him do whatever he wants". "I'm too much of a pushover and that's why he acts like this". I've heard it all before. All of my son's issues in life are because of me. Me not knowing how to be a mother, me not wanting to be like my mother so I don't issue discipline like I should. Me having too many men in my life so the child never had stability. It's all my fault. So now I think, maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom. I thought I was doing ok, he seems to be a happy healthy child. However, the only one who sees him like I do is me. Everyone else thinks he's a pain in the ass and "it's only 10 more years till he's 18". That is something that makes a mother feel great, knowing that it's a countdown to her child's 18th birthday.

Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe it's not like that at all. However it sure does seem that way to me. I just don't know what to do. I guess just suck it up and not get involved because this is between my husband and my son and it wasn't my decision in the first place. I just wish for once that I could have a happy family, I guess that's just too much to ask.

1 comment:

Lissa @ Pass Go and Be Below said...

honey, don't give up. Dakota does need discipline and sometimes Nathan is very hard on him, but it isn't what Nathan did was wrong (ok maybe no electricity is a bit extreme) but it wasn't what he said or did its how he did it. If Nathan could not yell it would help everything out, but here is a thought. why not sit down with Nathan and come up with a parenting discipline plan. That way you have the unified front. If you have a unified front then it will help.

Also know that getting Dakota on a schedule that is consistent is essential for him. This will help when your friends move in. Don't stop and Nathan can get through this.